How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
