dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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