White coat. Heels.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
