I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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