Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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