She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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