there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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