im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize