He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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