She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
