The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
