i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
