I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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