She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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