You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
