There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
