just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
