What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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