so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
