Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
