Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I want a musical about memes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
