when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
