I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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