yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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