It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha