I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.