Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off