So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.