Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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