I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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