thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
