We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
