Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
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Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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