so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
