And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
