I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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