I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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