the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
