When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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