hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
