Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
