your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
