Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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