farters have to be the big spoon...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
