what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
