I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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