even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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