No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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