Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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