Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
