I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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