Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
