I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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