the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
