The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
