There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
