He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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