That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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