She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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