Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
