just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
