I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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