so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
