Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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