so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
