I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize